Daniel Choi (@ahoychoi)

3,212 Followers

331 Friends

Don't take relationship advice from an inspirational quote. Or do. I've been single for 3 years, what do I know?
I got a message to all the girls who turned me down: I hate you, but I also respect your sound judgement -- well done!
My crazy grandma kept yelling something about not wanting "youth in Asia." So we pulled the plug.
I can be an environmental guy... We need more bees to move around flower cum! Quit trimming mother nature's bush! Don't touch my ozone!
My tattoo has deep significance to me... You see, I REALLY love spaghetti.
I'm not lazy, it was all the snow outside that stopped me from getting work done at my home computer. Gosh darn weather!
Apparently I've been making a lot of chickens happy and making jerk chicken wrong.
[being stabbed to death] "Wow, I just feel like I’m not ready for this level of intimacy."
That sounds dangerous and irresponsible. Yeah, let's do it.
I'm trying to open myself up to people. "Is it working?" Mind your own business.
School taught me stuff I never ended up actually using, like penmanship, calculus, and sex ed.
"SPARTANS... TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!" "But, like, I've been craving sushi all day..."
Whoever came up with "navel-gazing" was probably looking a little lower.
"What an ass," he said to the rude donkey with a large butt. "What a dick," he replied to Richard the mean porn star.
[accomplishes nothing] "I should treat myself."
One thing I have in common with professional balloon blowers: lack of blow jobs.
I'll have you know my jokes have been highly acclaimed as "inappropriate," "wow," and "please leave our church."
YOU SAID "HI" TO ME TWICE, YOU CAN'T DENY OUR LOVE!
All I ask for is somebody that's better than me in every way to settle for all of my flaws.
Stay in school, kids. Find a good job. Have an unsettling feeling fester. Realize the absurdity of the human condition. Try a spin class.

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